The married Man's Score Board

(NOTE: a score of "0" means it was expected of him)

Simple Duties
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You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty-liners with wings: +5
But return with a News Magazine: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It's her father: -10

Social Engagements
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You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a buddy: -2
If buddy is a women : -4
She is a dancer: -6
She has implants: -8

Saturday Afternoons
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You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3
And the television is off: -6
You spend the day watching college football in your underwear: -6
And you didn't even go to college: -10
And it's not really your underwear: -15

Her Birthday
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You take her out to dinner: 0
You give her a gift: 0
You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance: -10
You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance: +1
You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate: +2
You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months: +30
You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day: -10
With her credit card: -30
And whatever you bought is two sizes too small: -40

Thoughtfulness
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You forgot to pick her up at the bus station: -25
And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast: -50

A Night Out, Just the Two of You
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You go see a comic: +2
He's crude and sexist: -2
You laugh: -5
You laugh too much: -10
She's not laughing: -15
You laugh harder: -25

Driving
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You lose the directions on a trip: -4
You lose the directions and end up getting lost: -10
You end up getting lost in a bad part of town: -15
You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close & personal: -25
She finds out you lied about having a black belt: -60

Communication
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When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression: 0
When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes: +5
You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper: +10
She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep: -10